On Bullying

Yesterday my big girl came home and said to me, "Mommy, when I was on the bus someone told me GET OUT OF THAT SEAT but don't worry, I didn't listen and I didn't hurt back, I just used my voice and I didn't even cry at all."

Today she said, "Stupid baby! That's what they said to me on the bus today. And so I ran away to a different seat."

She said they pushed her on her clothes. She pointed one finger into her chest to demonstrate.

Shes turns four in December. She's still my baby. And this just breaks me.

I am feeling so many different things right now, I don't even know where to begin.

I feel helpless. Livid. Indignant. Protective.

And heartache. Mostly heartache.

I want to go on the bus with her every single day and protect her from the mean girls. I want to hold her hand and walk down every street next to her. I want to sit with her, play with her, eat with her, laugh with her and never walk away. I don't want anyone to hurt her.

But I know that I can't do all that.

I told her that what the other girls did was not nice. I told her that it was not the right thing for them to do. I told her how proud her Tatty and I am that she doesn't say these things to other girls. I told her that we love her and that we are going to help her take care of this problem.

Tomorrow I will tell her that I am speaking to the camp director and bus monitor. They are going to help her. If anyone says something mean to her, she should loudly say, "THAT IS NOT OKAY," and tell the morah what is going on.

It is my responsibility to prepare her mentally for this big world and to teach her how to stand up for herself. I've never been so uncertain in my life.

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A heavy post but it's a heavy load to carry. Of course, I am no perfect mother, and I did slip in a motherly lie or two today.

"No we can't take out the new blocks now because your little sister doesn't play nicely with them. I'll have to teach her how and then we can try another day."

Don't judge me, the blocks were packed away.