Motherly Mystification

Today I discovered that I have a lot of unanswered questions about Toddlers and Preschoolers (I've been advised that a nearly four-year-old no longer falls under the category of toddler, so I'm down to one preschooler, one toddler, and no patience. Haha, kidding about the patience.)

Anyway, I'm feeling quite perturbed by some physical phenomena I am noticing in my children. Take this for example.

Here is a list of things my kids can hear from up to 600 yards away:
1. The suction breaking on the refrigerator door.
2. A bag of popcorn being removed from the pantry.
3. The word "chocolate" being whispered in another room.
4. The nail polish brush as it sweeps across my finger.

And yet, they somehow miss all of this:
1. "NO!"
2. "PUT THAT DOWN!"
3. "YOUR SISTER IS NOT A TOY!"
4. "YOUR TOY IS NOT A FOOD!"

Or even this:
1. Please come here.
2. Please pick that up.
3. It's time to eat.
4. Let's go brush your teeth.


Their muscular health is also of great perplexity to me.

They can:
1. Walk uphill to the park.
2. Run away from me.
3. Run away from me with toys in their hands.
4. Make rounds through the grocery store.

They cannot:
1. Walk uphill on the way home.
2. Pick up their toys.
3. Carry their plates to the sink (toddler exempt)
4. Bring me a tissue from the bathroom.

I brought this up with my pediatrician but he just looked at me strangely for a while. Then he said, "Should I just say that it's all normal?" I guess he had a long day.

Personally, every day is a long day.

Especially days that start extra early.

There is only one number that all children need to learn from birth: the number SEVEN. It's when we go to sleep and when we wake up. Chaya knows that she is not supposed to leave her room until she sees "a seven with two dots" on her clock. 7:00 7:01 7:02 7:03....you get the idea.

Interestingly enough, that rule only manages to cover us 2/7 days. Y'know, because emergencies come up and she has to get to us quickly. Yesterday she came out at the-six-with-two-dots because her hair was in her eyes. She had real tears. Note to self: bad days can get worse when you mistake your child for a snooze button.

It's understood that when you start the day off on the wrong foot, it usually does not get better from there. It's come to the point where I look so harried a mere two hours after waking that Chaya now asks me to stay at the top of the stairs while she boards the school bus alone. #wellIdon'tevenhello

Oh, let us not forget to mention:

"I put a powder vitamin in your water. It's like arnica, so now even if we don't put arnica on your legs before you go to sleep, they won't hurt you while you try to fall asleep."

"Oh, that cat isn't allowed into houses. That's what it says on the collar right there. Shucks."