I don't Hello

I was like a fully charged battery my whole life. Then I had kids.

------ battery remaining: 30%



But that's not the only way I'm similar to my iPhone.  For example, I'm expensive.

And high maintenance.

And it's not good to leave me out in the rain.

And I haven't relaxed at a beach since I was pregnant with my first, so my white phone and I are similar in color.

And my brain has multiple tabs open at once.

And they all have trouble loading.

And I have a serious problem in the department of auto-correcting the spelling and grammar of others'.

And I often have to delete something from my memory to make room for something new.

Aaaaand, I can make creepy smiles.

If I'm being honest here (and when am I ever not?) I should really say OUR phone. Because my daughter has reminded me on multiple occasions, both by force and nonstop nagging, that it is really important to share. It is possible that there are more apps on my phone dedicated to her enjoyment than to my needs. Getting her a fake phone worked for close to ten seconds.

I'm proud and thankful that she is exuding signs of intelligence but it's been a busy week here buying and installing new locks on all the doors leading outside (she is tall enough and strong enough to open the ones we've had until now), hiding my treats more efficiently (she checks the freezer daily), destroying evidence of summer (am I really supposed to pull the pool out and reattach the hose? This weather is confusing,) and of course, trying to remain a step ahead of her in the Parenting Game.

I was misled when I was told that backtalk starts in the teens. Maybe that's when the intent starts but toddlers are pretty good at smarting back answers. I know she isn't doing it out of spite but sometimes I just stare back at her because I'm completely stumped about what to do next.

"I was crying for the water and not using my words because you aren't allowed to speak when you have food in your mouth."

"I'm not going to say 'I don't care!' when you tell me something; I will just say 'I don't hello!' (in the same belligerent tone) because that's a nice way to say it."

"I can't let Rivka play with me because I might move in a lot of directions and she might get hurt."

Listen, I can't expect myself to be fully functioning on 30% now, can I? Mama's gotta recharge every once in a while. So here's the breakdown of how to earn back battery:

Chocolate - 5%
Alcohol - 5%
Chocolate and Alcohol together - 20% (synergy, folks)
An hour alone - 15%
An hour alone in a shopping mall with someone else's credit card - 80%

And I think I need to add in taking time to sit down and do something you like, such as writing :) Because I'm starting to feel a little bit recharged.

My house could use a cleaning, the toys need to be put away, I haven't yet started cooking for Shabbat, I have a few loads of laundry waiting to go in, and I have some last minute shopping to do. But you know what?

Quite frankly, I just don't hello =D