If You Give a Mom a Blog

If you give a mom a blog she'll think, "Hey, why not write a book?"

And then she'll start writing her book.

And while she's writing her book she'll take a trip down memory lane.

And while she's taking a trip down memory lane she'll think, "Ooooh, let me look through the baby albums."

And while she's looking through the baby albums she'll remember that she hasn't printed any albums since 2014. She'll rush back to the computer to start catching up on albums.

And while she's making albums she'll remember that she needs to mail out pictures to her parents and in-laws.

And while she's preparing to mail out pictures to her parents and in-laws, she'll notice that she has pictures that still need to be hung in her own house.

And while she's hanging pictures in her house she'll see some walls that need cleaning.

And while she's cleaning the walls she'll see the floor that needs cleaning.

And while she's cleaning the floors she'll think, "I'm gonna be cooking up a storm today, why bother cleaning?" And then she'll remember that she really needs to get on that storm cooking.

And while she's cooking she'll think, "I could really use a break."

And while she's taking a break she'll take out her phone. And notice that it has no case. And remember that she was supposed to order one. Cuz otherwise the phone will crack. And then she'll need a whole second mortgage to replace it. So she'll get back to the computer to order a case.

And while she's ordering the case she'll remember that she was in middle of making an album. To go with the memories. That she was putting into her book. Because she has a blog.

And then the kids will start screaming from somewhere in the house. That they need her right now.

And she'll go right now.

Because she's a mom.

#truestory

Favorite Time of Year: Interviewing

It's Rivka's 4th birthday and that means it's time for us to sit down and talk about all the important things in life. I interview my kids each year on their birthday just to make sure they're getting smarter and not the opposite (gasp!)

Here are Rivka's fantabulous thoughts on life:

What is the meaning of life? Mmmmm....painting. (My art professor just cried tears of joy.)

What do you want to be when you grow up? A Mommy.

What makes you happy? A baby. (She has my future children planned out. It's very organized.)

What would you buy if you had a lot of money? Food. (Yes. YES. I'm doing something right.)

What are you afraid of? Lions. (This was her sister's fear in her 6-year old interview.)

What is a funny/silly word? Blahblahblahblah.

What is the best thing in the world? Hashem. <3

What is the worst thing in the world? Hashem. (Chaya: Rivka! Worst means a very very bad thing! What's the worst thing in the world? Rivka: I don't know. I just don't know.)

What makes you angry? Patching, maybe? Yeah, patching! (Don't look at me people. I'm not the one hitting her. She has a sister, remember?)

What makes you sad? Crying.

What's your favorite toy? A toy phone. (Close call. I thought it was going to be my real phone.)

Who do you love? MOMMY! I love YOU! (Her sister said: just mommy??) Mommy! And Chaya! And Tatty! And my morah!

What is the hardest thing to do? Um...um...um...fighting! (Gee, she makes it LOOK so easy.)

What is the easiest thing to do? Ride a scooter.

What is the meaning of love? Mommy. Mommy. I love you. (**heart melts** **give her all my money**)

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Happy 4th Birthday to our sweetest Hashtag!! We love you so much and we are geared up and ready for what this next year will bring! No pressure, but less highlighter coloring on the stairs would be real magical for us.

And yes. You can have five chocolate chips because you're turning five. You're like ten hours into your journey of turning five but you got it bright girl ;)

Pesach: My Freedom

There were a group of us sitting at the shiur when the dynamic speaker told us, “Think of the word Pesach and tell me the first word that comes to your mind.”

“Freedom!”

“Matzah!”

“Seder!”

“Family!”

I kept my mouth shut. Because the words in my head were toothbrushes, vacuum extensions, cheerios, and how-did-my-daughter-embed-pita-into-the-Playmobil-school-bus?

I couldn’t help but think, ‘What’s wrong with them?’ I mean, sure, Pesach is a wonderful time to spend with family, eating matzah at the seder and celebrating freedom, but are those really the first things that come to their mind? Apparently, yes.

And so my next thought was, ‘What’s wrong with me?’

Pesach is supposed to be about freedom. It’s supposed to be about breaking out of our personal boundaries and experiencing things that are greater than ourselves. Pesach should be about living on a higher plane, serving Hashem in ways that might not seem logical because G-dliness is beyond logic and reason.

And yet, at the same time, Pesach is about going crumb-free. It’s the crunchiest diet of all the crunchies. Gluten free, sugar free, nearly-carb free, combined with good wine and mason jars. It has Park Slope written all over it! And that’s without all the cleaning. We’ve all experienced that ethereal moment, straddling the dining room chair, trying to separate the cushions with the strength of Superman while holding the vacuum hose at just the right angle, turning the vacuum on with one foot and rocking the baby carrier with the other. If that isn’t the picture of feminine beauty and spirituality then I don’t know what is.

Well, actually, I do. Because all this time that I’ve been waiting for the freedom of Pesach to encompass me, I’ve been oblivious to the fact that the work is mine. Pesach can be all the happy words only when I make the choice to make it so.

And I am.

I commit to making Pesach freedom for ME. And that looks like freedom from anxiety, freedom from routine and freedom from the bitterness of stress. Will I clean? Yes, I’ll clean. I’ll clean with the music on so that I can sing and dance along. One Kitchen Scrub with a shot of Endorphins, coming up. Will I shop? Yes, I’ll shop. I’ll grocery shop online (the perks of Crown Heights!) or I'll shop in parts or both. There is no mitzvah to spend two hours at the grocery trying to push a cart heavier than myself. Will I cook? Yes, I’ll cook. I’ll cook like I cook every other day of the year (minus the carb-truck): inventory the food in the house and mix and match recipes for fabulous results. Okay fine, I have some great Pesach recipes to follow. The real trick is reminding myself that Pesach is just a week long and I don’t need to have food prepped and waiting in the freezer from a week before, just because that’s what works for other people.

Pesach is about being free. I am choosing to free myself of past discomforts that I have associated with Pesach and instead make this Yom Tov into a joyous one like all the others. Pesach doesn’t have to look like stress. Pesach doesn’t have to feel like a burden.

I’m burning my lists with the chometz this year and I’m starting fresh. Funny how freedom for me is really freedom from me - the old me, the one who agonized over Pesach and spent too much time thinking about all the things I wouldn't be able to do instead of all the great things that I could do. The one who worried about how much work Pesach would be instead of how much fun Pesach could be. The one who didn't associate the good things with Pesach; not because experience taught me differently, but because I had yet to fully embrace the experience itself.

This article was first published for the Beis Medrash Women's Circle Pesach Freedom Book.

The Miracle of Moving

We moved!

It's been a month in our house (house!!) and I have finally surfaced through the boxes and dust. My only coherent thought is omigod, what just happened. 

First of all, packing. In the 21st century there should be a Mary Poppins app that snaps and packs for you. Or at least some kind of device that can guard cabinets once they've been packed up. I swear each time I emptied a cabinet into a box the cabinet birthed new items to hold. They. Never. Got. Empty.

And the boxes. How much time I spent trying to figure out what should go together with what in each box.  For what? In the end, I was the one who went and opened them all just to find the darned peeler. No one else was around to be impressed with the mesmerizing way I managed to tuck the shirts into the hats to save room for the shoes tucked into the boots! Hello? That saved me an entire eighth of a box and only took two hours to arrange! Sigh. 

I really did try hard to be organized but by the time I was packing up box 6,578 I was way past detailing the inventory in each box. My labels became "House Crap #1" and "Forgot What's In Here." 

It's all just as well because even if I could remember what I had put in the box before closing it, chances are it had all new contents anyway. I got the Mary Poppins snap app unpacker in the form of one #hashtagrivka. She meticulously unpacked at least ten items from any box that I left open to add to. Quality super-nanny right there. 

One good thing about the packing?  The memories I got to sort through. School projects the kids managed to hide away, toys we've been looking for for 4 years, clothes I can't believe I ever thought were stylish and lots of things that made me laugh. Like when I found the clothes iron. LOL, I used to iron! With an ironing board! How domestic is that? Nowadays we're lucky to leave the house in all clean clothes 🙈. 

Happy one month in the new house to us! It's the first morning that I'm sitting on the couch doing absolutely nothing (simultaneously praying I haven't forgotten twenty things that I'm supposed to be doing) and I'm reveling in it. The construction is over (for now), the layers of dust have been banished (for now), and we're loving it (for always)! 

To those looking forward to moving: prepare yourself for the inevitable miracle of discovering you have more than one moving-truck-worth of crap in your apartment at any given moment. Math and Science can't explain it so don't even bother trying. 

Cheers!

New Year, New Interview

My firstborn turns (6!!) today and in preparation, we have completed our annual interview. Each year I am amazed at the answers that change and intrigued by the ones that seem to stay the same (here's the one we did three years ago when she turned 3: http://motherlylies.blogspot.com/2013/07/my-third-post.html).

Happy Birthday, Chaya! We love you so so so so so so much! (Did you count the so's? I'm cool like that.)

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What is the meaning of life? Does it mean what's about your life? About my life is that people don't say mean stuff to me and everybody loves me and plays with me, because I'm a nice girl to play with. (Self esteem? Check.)

What do you want to be when you grow up? I want to be a Mommy who has a lot of money. But I don't know how to make money. Ma, how do you make money? You stand outside with a cup of tzedaka? (Oh my gosh, I am laughing with tears now!)

What makes you happy? I have a hundred, million, thousand stuff to say! How much should I answer? I'll tell you one thing. One thing is by swings, when we go on the swings, when Morah picks me first to go, it makes me a little excited and happy. (Yes! Always have a hundred, million, thousand many happy stuff!)

What would you buy if you had a lot of money? I would buy a crib for my baby. (To clarify, she means her baby doll. I think.)

What are you afraid of? Afraid? Hmmm. I'm scared of lions roaring. (Truth.)

What's a funny/silly word? Bakadakaka. (Kay.)

What's the best thing in the world? The best thing in the world is when I go on trips with Mommy and I have vacations. (She works hard, deserves vacations.)

What's the worst thing in the world? The worst thing in the world is when my Mommy says No or Wait. (Don't I know it!)

What makes you angry? Angry? When I'm angry is when my Morah says something and my friends are all talking and I don't hear. I'm angry but I still don't show them because then that would make noise.  (#angel.)

What makes you sad? Sad? When people bite me. (Who bites her??)

What's your favorite toy? My favorite toy is mentchies with doll houses, and coloring. (I can handle that.)

Who do you love? Who do I love? Hmmmm. I love Mushka. Because she's a cutie pie. (I swear other years she said Mommy and Tatty!)

What is the hardest thing to do? The hardest thing is to listen to Mommy. (Respect.)

What's the easiest thing to do? The easiest thing is when on Sunday I have a lot of time to color. That's for sure the easiest thing. (Like I said, she works hard.)

What is the meaning of love? Oh. Love. When Mommy and Tatty take care of me and I get the same much attention as Rivka. (Oh, sweetie. Thank you for not #hashtagging for attention. Really, truly, THANK YOU.)

Happy Birthday Donna

Today I opened Facebook and received a notification that said, "Today is Donna Stiebel's birthday." Tears sprang to my eyes and I looked at the phone angrily. Didn't Facebook know that it wasn't her birthday today? Didn't Facebook know that Donna passed 5 years ago?

And then I had a moment of inspiration. Standing outside on my porch waving goodbye to my children (the requisite 5-minute wave until their bus is completely out of sight), I realized that today is Donna's birthday. For Victor, Aliza, Moshe, Micha and Shayna; today is Donna's birthday. For all of us, today is Donna's birthday. Because today is the day we celebrate all that Donna was and is in our lives. Nothing can take away the meaning of her birthday; nothing can take away the time we had together.

As I raise my young daughters I find myself thinking back to my own childhood multiple times a day. Donna was a big part of that childhood as she and her family lived next door to us and I spent many hours in her house. I didn't turn to Donna for advice the way my older sisters did, because I was only ten years old when we moved away, but I can clearly (and embarrassingly) remember standing in her kitchen and asking her a quarter-of-a-million questions while she tried to make dinner in peace. Yeah, I was that kid.

But I don't ever remember being sent away and that's what makes Donna so special. I try to emulate that with my own friends' children, to treat them like they were my nieces and to help them feel welcome in my home.

When I close my eyes and transport myself back in time, I can imagine that I am standing in the Stiebel house listening to Donna's infectious laugh. I can hear her offering to pick up groceries for my mother since she is heading to Giant Eagle anyway. I can see her doing carpool with a smile on her face, and I can visualize her calling to Aliza from the kitchen, helping her with homework. (In retrospect, I may have overstayed my welcome some days :P)

And because I'm back there in my mind, I can also see Micha doing something (everything) that warranted yet another set of stitches. Micha, I think you may have been the original #hashtag.

It's been many years since I was ten years old but the memories of my childhood are stronger than the memories of why I am standing at the open fridge at any given time. And so today, on Donna's birthday, I am sending big hugs to everyone who misses her. And also a big high-five because we are of the lucky ones who got to know her.

Thinking of all of the Phillips Avenue crew today! (Can you imagine how simple it would have been to arrange Cops & Robbers if we had a WhatsApp group back then?)

Shabbat Shalom <3 Stay safe in Israel.

Can You Keep a Secret?

I'M BACK!!

Yes, I know it's been months since I've posted. I hope you haven't forgotten about me. Back in April I was all, "Oh I am SO writing a book!" Now it's September and I *think* I got one page done. So maybe it's better that I wait until my life is a little less busy.

But after several...spectacular? weeks of Mommy Camp, I am so happy to announce that my girls started school today. BOTH OF THEM! #hashtagrivka is in school!!!! Well, she might still be on the bus on the way but my baby is starting school today!

I have gotten so many comments over the past few months wishing blessings and luck on her teachers. And I've passed them on diligently to the lovely women who will be her educators this year.

Diligently, but silently. Very, very silently.

Out loud I said things like,

"Hi Morah Nechama! This is Rivka! Have I told you about the time she washed all the dishes for me?"

"Hi Morah Sheina! This is Rivka! Boy, did we have a great time folding all the laundry last night."

"Hi Morah Devorah Leah! This is Rivka! She'll be happy to sweep the floors in here!"

"Gosh, thanks to Rivka organizing all the toys I was able to get out of the house on time today!"

"Did I mention that Rivka loves to cozy up in the rocking chair and read books most of the day?"

If they call me in shock about behaviors that seem so out of ordinary of the character that I am describing, why, I'll be shocked right along with them! It'll be our secret, aight? ;)

Truth: I am (almost) totally confident that she is going to take after her big sister and be a superstar student!

Other truth: I am very, very nice to the principals. Just in case.

The picture her teachers see. 

The #hashtag we know and love. 

Her beautiful big sister who has been a tremendous joy throughout my journey.